This past Saturday night I went as I usually do to see the Portland Gay Men's Chorus Holiday Concert. Escorted by my partner and my friends we settled in for a night of feeling safe, included, sentimental, humorous, and hopefully lifted up. Having been part of the gay chorus movement myself, I have always valued the contributions gay choruses have made not just to the quality of my life, but to my political and social awareness. I have people dear to me in the Portland chorus and I am proud of them and their artistry. I also know them to be some of the most progressive and amazing people in the community today. Walking to the PCPA for the show Saturday night, there were reports of protesters on the Burnside Bridge, and surely for the many days and weeks before the concert, images of unjust killings of black people were broadcast all over the media. For many people, the depth of pain being felt due to the injustice of a maligned and marginalized group, has deeply impacted most communities I know. Portland had huge rallies expressing outrage. This is why I was not expecting to be hurt and dismayed and angry in a place where those who have been historically targeted gather, a gay chorus concert.
At the end of act one, after singing affirming and inclusive music and arrangements for the holidays, the chorus led by a white man in a Santa suit began to perform an interpretation of what I guess what meant to be a HIP/HOP/Rap style upbeat number. HIP HOP is a very challenging dance style, a unique culture, and has contributed to modern music in profound ways. But make no mistake, though it is enjoyed by many, it is identified as the intellectual and artistic property of the black community. As the audience began to titter away at the exaggerated gestures of the white Santa, I began to feel uneasy, and uncomfortable. Then, off from the side came dancers, none who were black, dressed in what I believe was some approximation of black urban Hip Hop fashion. The dancing began to take shape, but it was not performed as an homage to HIP HOP, it was performed with exaggerated movements that were geared at getting a response, not honoring the form. It reminded me of times when straight people would pretend to act gay by prancing about with limp wrists, an affected lisp, and swishy hips in an effort to show how different and foreign we were to their straightness, and to publicly ridicule.
I wondered based on this artistic choice, why the chorus did not choose to do an Asian number with straw hats and buck teeth, and thick glasses? Then in my dread, I heard the lyrics of the song pointing out that the song was about "Christmas in Hollis, Queens", a predominantly poor neighborhood in NYC where there is rampant poverty, violence, and injustice. In the words of the song, they sang about how there, in Hollis, Christmas means various things especially eating collard greens....................and some other ethnic stereotyped food that right now escapes me. Then a sea of white men and a few women mimicked the posturing gestures for another laugh.
The number should have been called, we respect the music and culture of all other cultures, but not that of black urban American youth. The chorus dancers appropriated their clothing, exaggerated their movements and postures for the sake of socially acceptable ridicule, and did it so blatantly and with such bravado that neither the chorus or its audience thought it was offensive or racist. All in good fun. And if I say different, as mostly white liberals it will injure your self concept as non racists. IT WAS RACIST. It degraded me as an audience member, degraded black people I know and love, it minimized the horror of the recent murders, and it reduced the gay chorus movement to the unaware racist gay white male middle class world. Pathetic.
I began to look around to see if others found it vulgar and racist, but I saw a sea of white people clapping and snickering. I did not see ONE black person in that entire audience. Then I looked on stage and noticed not one black face. I asked my partner if he was comfortable with what he just saw, and he said no. He is not white. What I realized was I had just witnessed was a minstrel show number without black-face, but with the same message. And to make it worse, it was done by a group who should know what it feels like to be ridiculed and targeted and minimized by police and society. The chorus should have shown solidarity, respect, and compassion and performed something with a message of respect, but they did not. They could have chosen Hip Hop or RAP and performed it with the focus it deserves, but they did not. They could have chosen something not based in stereotypes and without exaggeration, but they did not. They chose to perform stereotypes that injured me, and my partner, and sent the message that black Hip Hop/Rap culture is something to be mocked and supported this with soul food references.
After being shocked, embarrassed, and angry, I cried. Then I felt ashamed. In my years of being in a gay chorus, I never felt ashamed or diminished. We fought back, we spoke up and we never did to other groups what had been done to us. This feeling ashamed was new for me.
No wonder there was no black people in the chorus. What an unsafe environment it must be. No wonder there were no black people in the audience. Having to sit and watch that crap while people laughed would feel terrible, even frightening. I am glad they were not there to see such bigotry celebrated. I hope they never have to face such insensitive and clueless racism because god knows they are getting enough of that with gentrification, mass incarceration, police brutality, and poverty.They do not need an extra helping of shame and ridicule at a Holiday concert.
It was incredibly poor judgement to do that number at all. They way it was executed compounded the injury, and the lack of awareness of how racist it was shows that the culture of the chorus is complicit. If it was a joke, the joke failed at the expense of people living in peril. Whoever chose the piece and whoever produced it, and whoever let it happen day after day in rehearsal and in performance to you I say what you did was deeply wrong. For me right now, the chorus represents the worst kind of systemic and insidious racism. I can not attend another performance and be at risk of being hurt like that again. I can't breathe. PGMC you have let me down and let the community down.
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